I had an earth shattering epiphany last night as I drove home:
I learned how to become the lead vehicle on the interstate at all times.
Step 1: Purchase a gigantic I Have A Tiny Penis Pickup Truck and put gigantic tires on it, six in all, even though you don’t own or work on a farm or never intend to.
Step 2: Install headlights that have the power of a thousand suns.
This works because there was absolutely no way I was going to be in front of this guy for the next 30 miles. I wasn’t the only driver with that thought. We all, one by one, switched to the slow lane to allow this douche bag to pass us. CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve won the Asshole of the Year Award! Lucky you!