I had a small pile of errands to run last week but I got a cold so bad, even Sudafed wouldn’t touch it. Oh well. Those errands aren’t running away. They’ll be there next week. And so it begins.
Once off the interstate I hit a red light. In my rear view mirror I saw a crome ram’s head inching closer, closer, closer. HOW’S MY BACK SEAT? IS IT COMFY BACK THERE?
I came up behind someone at a sign stop. IS THIS SPACE FOR RENT? ARE YOU MOVING IN?
At Harbour Freight I was on the hunt for one specific item I had bought there once before but apparently they decided to rearrange the entire store. For some reason. Unable to find anyone that worked there I eventually found the item and made my way to the register closest to the door.
There was a fella three registers down (who didn’t even look like he worked there) that nodded at me. “You want me over there?” I asked.
Calm down, Ms. Cranky, maybe he’s deaf. “Did they tell you about our member rewards programs?” the guy asked.
I looked around. WHO? THERE’S NO ONE HERE!!
“I’m not interested.”
“Even for free coupons?” he asked.
I DON’T NORMALLY PAY FOR COUPONS. CAN I EXCHANGE THIS PAPER MONEY FOR GOODS? IS THAT NO LONGER ACCEPTABLE? WHY DO YOU NEED ALL MY PERSONAL INFORMATION, BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND A HAIR CLIPPING IN ORDER FOR ME TO BUY SOMETHING? CAN I GIVE YOU CURRENCY AND JUST LEAVE?
At Academy, I was returning some pants I’d ordered online. A manager was called and she said she needed my zip code to look up the order. I browsed facebook, deleted some emails and TWENTY MINUETS LATER I was told the system was down.
I decided to see if the pants were in the store. I passed the men’s clothing section. There were pants for camping, pants for hunting, pants for lounging and pants for wrangling. And that’s just the front row. I was hopeful.
I weaved in and out of the ladies clothing section THREE TIMES. There were no jeans, no khakis, no sweatpants. The only thing, THE ONLY THING THEY SELL ARE YOGA PANTS. THERE’S NOTHING IN THIS STORE FOR WOMEN EXCEPT STRETCHY, SPANDEXY YOGA PANTS!!!! WTF???!!!
And then I had to look forward to getting home to call Blue Cross because someone at that Monkey House placed my initial binder payment for 2019 health care coverage on my old policy. Ha ha! They make it SO easy too because my member ID changed with the changing of 2018 to 2019. WHY? I’M STILL THE SAME PERSON! MY NAME HASN’T CHANGED. This happy little debacle is something I’d been dealing with since Saturday when I recevied an email stating that our coverage was cancelled due to delinquent payment. NO I WASN’T LATE. YOUR STUPID WEBSITE HASN’T WORKED FOR THREE WEEKS. THE AUTOMATED PHONE PAYMENT THING WASN’T WORKING EITHER SO I SPOKE TO A PERSON WHO APPLIED THE PAYMENT TO LAST YEAR’S POLICY. MAYBE YOU SHOULD HIRE SOME REALLY SMART DOGS INSTEAD.
Speaking of health insurance…
Naw, I don’t have time to go into that right now but I will so be thanking all those involved for making health insurance SO EASY AND AFFORDABLE FOR ALL US AND UNLESS YOU’RE STUPID, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO READ THE HINT OF SARCASM THERE.
Sadly, that was only the first half of my day.
I can see why so many people turn to drugs and alcohol. I need cake. WHY IS THERE NO FREAKING CAKE IN THIS HOUSE!!!!!