I recently had an experience with my very first hemorrhoid. Oh, I just love adulthood, don’t you?
(there’s actually another story pair with this one, forthcoming. I got the hemorrhoid as a result of the flu, which was a couple weeks ago)
Once I overcame the initial shock of WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?! I realized I had a whole other problem: I was TERRIFIED of pooping. I remembered a friend of mine showed me a video of people who’d eaten a camera capsule, followed by packaged Ramen noodles and homemade Ramen noodles, respectively. The packaged Ramen took FOREVER to digest. It all just kind of sat in the gut contracting and moving around like gross worms.
So, even though I was afraid to poop, I was very hungry. I ate lots and lots of Ramen noodles with cheese, thinking that should do the trick.
LIES! ALL LIES!! I pooped anyway (carefully) and debunked that strange video because the Ramen did not sit in my gut for forever, but merely digested and broke down in a matter of a few hours. And I truly tested this because I ate nothing but Ramen and cheese for a few days.
Also, hemorrhoids are the worst thing in the world. There’s nothing like pooping out a blood vessel to ruin the entire week. Booooooo!
The Sound of Madness 